The Winds of Fate

This poem is by Ella Wheeler Wilcox.

One ship drives east and another drives west

With the selfsame winds that blow.

'Tis the set of the sails

And not the gales

Which tells us the way to go.

***

Like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate,

As we voyage along through life:

'Tis the set of the soul

That decides its goal,

And not the calm or the strife.

***

When my girls were growing up I would I say to them each morning, "Decide right now what kind of day you are going to have." I've tried to live that credo as well. It is not easy nor did I always achieve it but practicing that conscious decision made it easier to do over the years.

***

Now that I know I have cancer, it is even more important to set my sails and decide my own course as best as I can and not let the calm or the strife be what pushes me along. I hope I can do it. I have to try.

***

TRIVIA: Ella Wheeler Wilcox was an American popular poet at the turn of the last century. (A popular poet is one that critics don't like but other people do.) Her most enduring work was "Solitude", which contains the lines: "Laugh, and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone". She also wrote the lines: "Love lights more fires than hate extinguishes" which was a line popularized by Jack Kerouac.

Almost Ready to Start Fighting Cancer Again.

Whew!
Last week really left me feeling beaten up. I was bruised and exhausted but yesterday I felt like I could have gone to work. I miss my friends at work and my patients. (Hope that Chelle, Barb, Nat, Monica and the others are keeping my desk warm.) Instead, I walked down to the farmer's market and bought some fruits and veggies and then had a tamale from a little stand there for lunch. I ate my tamale while looking out at the ocean and wearing a jacket which was some recompense for not being at work, after all it's 105 degrees there. .

The problem is that just when you start to feel like you are yourself again, it's time to get back to fighting cancer.

Corey is working half a day today and then I hope to feel good enough to ride the bikes for a bit along the beach. One day I will write about how great Corey is and has been but honestly right now it makes me teary just to think about it.

I cooked the last three nights which I love to do but hadn't really felt like doing for a while: Steaks on Tuesday, Spaghetti with black and green olives on Wednesday and Scallop Helper on Thursday (one of my signature dishes!)

Monday, I head back to Phoenix to my usual two doctors a day routine except for Thursday when I am getting my hair done so I look cute on the operating table. Corey is coming in next Thursday night. Wish I could stay with him but Ali put the cats on a diet so I think they need me more right now.

Have a good weekend!

Breast Cancer Primer

People keep asking me about these terms so I thought as a health educator, I would describe them. I will add to them over time. Any errors in these definitions are my own except for the one Shirley defined. You can see the Primer by scrolling down to and looking on the right side of the screen.

More Six Word Stories ... What's Yours?

I am loving these six words stories. More examples are posted under comments from May 28th!

Vitamin D, Breast Cancer & Me

Laboratory studies have shown that vitamin D stops cancer cells from dividing and actually makes the cancer cells die out. Previous research has shown that enough vitamin D and exposure to sunlight has been shown to reduce the risk of developing breast cancer. Vitamin D is made in several ways. The body produces its own vitamin D in the skin when it is exposed to sunlight. Vitamin D is also found in certain foods, including eggs and fatty fish.

In mid -March of this year I had my vitamin D level tested and found it was low – 20. Soon after I went to a conference and heard Dr. Michael Holick, one of the world’ s leading vitamin D experts, and began taking 50,000 units of D once per week for 8 weeks and will continue with 50,000 units every other week for the rest of my life once I get my level up to 50.

I live in Phoenix with sunshine most days of the year and eat a healthy diet as well as take a supplement. It seems ridiculous that I could have a low vitamin D level, in fact, a level that is lower than many of my patients with Cystic Fibrosis who are at risk for low vitamin D. The Linus Pauling Institute recommends aiming for a serum 25-hydroxyvitamin D level of at least 32 ng/mL and more recently 50 seems to be the number to aim for.

What I did not know is that almost everyone diagnosed with breast cancer has a low serum vitamin D level. And researchers do not yet know is if the low D level is a cause or a symptom of breast cancer.

Dr. Chistakos, a professor of biochemistry, has researched and published extensively on the multiple roles of vitamin D, including inhibition of the growth of malignant cells found in breast cancer. Her current findings on the vitamin D induced protein that inhibits breast cancer growth are published in a 2009 issue of The Journal of Biological Chemistry. Previous research had determined that increased serum levels of vitamin D are associated with an improved diagnosis in patients with breast cancer.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/02/090204172437.htm

I wonder if a serum vitamin D level should be a regular test for women.

Finally, some good news!

The MRI showed only the one cluster of cancer cells in my right breast! This means that we are going to go back to plan A which is to remove that section only and not the whole breast. The lymph nodes will be checked at the same time. The surgery currently is scheduled for the 12th.

I will need radiation treatment for sure. I am meeting with the radiation oncologist on Monday and have a second opinion on Wednesday morning. If the lymph nodes are positive then I may need chemo but we won't know that until later.

Waiting for the Possibilities

The MRI guided biopsy was done in a new spot on the right breast and a spot on the left breast. Here are the possible outcomes of the MRI:

Neither area shows cancer which means we go back to the original plan of taking out the cancer we know is in the right and using radiation to get rid of any cancer cells that could be remaining.

If the right breast shows more cancer and the left does not. Any additional cancer in the right breast translates into a right mastectomy. If they do a right mastectomy then I can elect to have a left as well. The doctors say this is the most aesthetically pleasing option but I can wait and do the left later if there is no cancer there.

I then must decide if I want immediate reconstruction which Corey and I decided would be best. There are two schools of thoughts on this - one is wait about a year to allow time for grief and the other is to get the whole thing done at once. If I have to have a mastectomy then I want to put this behind me. Our only disagreement in this area is that Corey thought I should get a D - cup and I wanted an A - Cup. We compromised on a B-Cup.

If both sides show cancer then I must have a double mastectomy. One scenario we did not talk about is what would happen if the left showed cancer but the right was negative.

I will have the pathology back tomorrow and post again then.